Homeschool Shame – Is Your Vacuum Showing?

I learned something about myself this week when friend who doesn’t homeschool dropped by unexpectedly.  I was excited to see her car pulling up, but curiously, was immediately filled with a sense of dread.  “Oh NO!  I’m in the middle of housework!”

I was mortified!  It truly felt as if I’d been caught in a humiliating situation.  My cheeks turned red, my heart started to race, and I frantically looked around for a way to escape.  I didn’t want to be seen *shudder* cleaning.  My ponytail and yoga pants were fine, but having the vacuum and dust cloth out felt like getting caught doing something wicked.

Now, obviously, logic took over so in the same second that it took me to think of my embarrassment, I immediately dismissed it as silly.  I know this friend.  I like her. It was safe to open the door and enjoy her company.  (Okay, okay, so I hid the vacuum hastily in the closet before greeting her, but I know I didn’t need to.)

My reaction was completely irrational.  Homes get messy.  We live here after all.  So, I tried to think it through.  How do I want people to think my house gets clean.  A magical fairy?  Staff dressed in Downton Abby-esque uniforms?  Perfectly trained children who do all chores without complaint or prodding before sun-up?  Yup.  Any and all of those would do, thank you very much.

What WAS that?

Wonky logic was happening in that brain of mine, but I hadn’t yet figured out what it was.  Random thoughts started to churn: Maybe I’m a snob and I think basic housework is beneath me?  Maybe my self-importance causes me to want be thought of as someone who does lovely things at all times?  Maybe I’m worried that, because my friend’s life is so different, she would equate homeschool moms to boring servants who have nothing better to do than clean?

Uh oh.  I’d stumbled on the truth.  – After 6 years, I’m still insecure about how others view my role as a homeschooler.  My choice isn’t a popular one, and that rattles me a bit.  The truth is, I do spend a disproportionate amount of time cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children.  I don’t live an exotic life.  I love my choice, but despite all the time spent parenting, there are still no perfectly-trained children (or fairies) waking before dawn to clean the house for me.  My friend had discovered my secret:  I don’t live a glamorous life. My house gets messy, and I’m the one who has to clean it.

And now all of you know my secret too.  -You must be shocked.

So, all this to say, feel free to drop in and visit, but if I take a few extra minutes to open the door, please don’t be offended by my delay.  I have personal issues regarding getting caught with my vacuum showing.  I’m working through it, but this might take some time.